This Song Isn't Really That Interesting, So I'll Just Make The Title Unbelievably Long To Trick You And Make You Feel Stupid Saying It...

Sorry I haven’t updated so long {to the 2 people out there who actually follow this blog}; I’m a junior now, and as the facebook group says, because of this fact, I no longer sleep and/or have a life. As I was writing a review recently, I found myself going off on a page long tangent about song titles, so I figured I would make my tangent its own entity.

Obnoxiously long and random song titles. They annoy me. Yea, okay, I get it. You want to be creative and abstract by giving the song a title that appears to have nothing with the song’s subject at all. Alright. But why not be creative and abstract with random song titles that are two, three, even four words long? Why should it take the same amount of time to say the song title as it takes to listen to half the song? {insert Napoleon Dynamite’s voice for the next exclamation…} GOD!

Seriously, how stupid do feel what you see your friends and you want to mention your new favorite song and you say “Oh yeah, that ‘If I Had One Pound For Every Stale Song Title I’d Be 30 {*breathe*} Short Of Getting Out Of This Mess’ is a great song!” {*sigh*} Jeez, what a mouthful, I need some Gatorade or something. I just feel really stupid, especially if they have no idea what I’m talking about, which is the case a lot of the time.

It’s like when you go to Ground Round {R.I.P} and you want a chicken sandwich and in order to get that sandwich, you have to declare a paragraph long, just stupid title to the waiter {who, with my luck, is ALWAYS an extremely attractive peer}. And, if you don’t want to look like an idiot {which I don’t even attempt anymore}, you gotta pull it off with a straight face. No matter how hard you try to say it in a different way, you always end up saying “I’ll take the ragin’ cajin’ rockin’ sockin’ chicken sandwich”—your face turns red, you don’t want to make eye contact, and your once enjoyable and relaxing lunch with friends becomes a mortification-fest. Okay, so that’s an exaggeration...

Another song title epidemic is the whole category of songs that are just “Untitled”. Wow, guys, you can assign paragraphs to track number 3, but by the time you get to song 9, apparently you are EXHAUSTED and can’t muster up the strength to find ONE word to describe your song. Come on! The funniest thing to me is when a song is “Untitled”, but there’s a subtitle in parentheses. Why do that? Here’s a thought, lets just forget the “Untitled” and just promote the subtitle to main title. I think the subtitle can handle the job.

I’ve compiled a list of the most obnoxious and awkward-to-say song titles in current underground music {in no particular order}.

1. If I Had One Pound For Every Stale Song Title I’d Be 30 Short Of Getting Out Of This Mess- Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly.
2. Lexington {Joey Pea-Pot With A Monkey Face}- Chiodos
3. Babay {Eat A Critter, Feel Its Warmth}- The Blow
4. Cut Down All The Trees And Name The Streets After Them- The Fall of Troy
5. Good To Know That If I Ever Need Attention, All I Have To Do Is Die- Brand New
6. Honey, This Mirror Isn’t Big Enough For The Two Of Us- My Chemical Romance
7. I Liked You Better Before You Were Naked On The Internet- From First To Last
8. If I Don’t Write This Song, Someone I Love Will Die- Hello Saferide
9. Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm- Crash Test Dummies {not that long, just stupid}
10. When The Curious Girl Realizes She Is Under The Glass- Bright Eyes